5 Lessons I Want To Teach My Daughter

Raising a daughter these days is a difficult task. I don't think anyone will argue that. The lessons we teach our girls today are substantially different lessons than what most of us who are now moms learned when we were their ages. I think back to when I was 10, and while I am sure time has made my memories softer, I don't remember thinking , or worrying, about the same things my daughter and her 10 year old friends think about.

Certainly I had the same pre-teen fears as today's pre-teen girls. We all did, I suppose. Something about the insecurities of that age appears to be timeless. Is my outfit ok? Will boys like me? What do my friends really think? Am I popular enough? Am I smart enough? But when my 55 lb, 10 year old daughter, skinny as a rail, said "mom, do these skinny jeans make my thighs look fat" I got a good old dose of reality. When I was 10 there was no texting (or sexting), Facebook, or songs to sing along with called I Kissed a Girl or S&M.

Not that the '80's were such a time of innocence. There was Madonna singing Like a Virgin. The time I was left unsupervised, and the following trouble I got into, was certainly not innocent. But my mom taught me some valuable lessons that kept those pre-teen insecurities from turning into life long worries. This will probably be a somewhat surprising statement to some of you that know me, and know my mother's history, but I have to give credit where credit is due. My mom was probably considered somewhat of a radical for teaching her daughters to fight for themselves, shielding us from overly sexualized images (I never had a Barbie), and telling us to make sure we never rely on someone else to give us what we need.

The lessons I want to teach my daughter are not easy lessons to learn. Not when you're 10. Not even when you're 30. With that being said; To my daughter:

1) You are amazing. Not everyone will tell you that as you grow up. In fact, you may hear from some that you are less than amazing. And you won't always feel like you are amazing. Some days you will feel insecure, afraid, and dejected. That's ok. You will make it through those days because you are amazing. At the end of the day, always remember that you are amazing.

2) Never rely on someone else to provide you with your own happiness or security. Your happiness is your responsibility. Don't expect it from a job, a man, your friends, your children... Not that those things can't make you happy and provide security but you will find some very unhappy people who have great jobs, great spouses, great lives. Happiness is something that you find inside yourself. It's a choice. It's something you give, and owe, yourself. Don't sit around and wait for someone else to hand you happiness in a pretty little box. Don't wait for a man with a nice job to show up and hand you your secure, happy life. Make it on your own. If you're lucky enough to share that security and happiness with another person, that will just make it all that much better.

3) Stand up for yourself. Don't allow yourself to be anyone's victim. No matter what happens to you in life your strength will be your biggest asset. Never stay silent when you know you need to speak up. Never let someone else make you feel inadequate. Never, ever, let someone tell you, you're just a girl. Now, I can't promise you that this will be easy. Some days you will feel weak, and that's ok. Sometimes strength hides itself in weakness. But when everything is said and done don't ever let someone else bully you. Not now, and not when you're grown.

4) You can do anything. This may seem cliche, and to some extent it is. As much as I would love to tell you that you can grow up to be a million dollar 6' 2' model, I don't think that's going to happen. The real lesson is, don't ever limit yourself. If you want something in life form a plan, work hard, and make it happen. Persevere. Don't let anyone tell you you can't. However, you will need to learn to deal with failure. I can't ever promise you that life will be easy. It's not. Consider yourself a success if you manage to get back up more times than you fall down. Knowing that you accomplished a goal, no matter how long it takes you to get there, is a great feeling.

5) Never settle for less than you know you deserve. I can't stress this final lesson enough. You deserve great things. Happiness, love, security. You deserve to have people in your life that love you and value who you are. You deserve to fulfill your dreams and be supported in attaining your goals. You deserve to be who you are, and not ever be put in anyones boxed up definition of who you should be. This does not mean you should expect more than what you deserve, either. Find a happy medium in your life. Life is kind of like shoe shopping. If you buy a pair of shoes that are too small, you'll never feel comfortable in them. If you buy a pair that's too big, hoping that you will grow into them, you may not ever get to wear them.

I hope I can teach my daughter these things. Mostly, I hope she is happy