Brianna and I had a conversation last night about me being in school.
Me: How do you feel about me being in school? Do you miss me because I'm not around as much?
Brianna: Yes
Me: Do you think me being in school is a bad thing or a good thing?
Brianna: Well, when you're done you'll be a nurse right?
Me: Yes
Brianna: Well, I want you to be a nurse so it's good.
Doesn't make it all better, but it sure helps.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
1 year, 6 months, 14 days
1 year, 6 months, 14 days. That is how long I have been in nursing school. 2 months, 15 days until I graduate.
With graduation quickly approaching I have found myself pondering a few things about the past almost 2 years. In the time that I have been in nursing school things in my life have drastically changed. In all honesty, I wouldn't be able to say that I am the same person I was before I started this journey.
In almost 2 years I've gone from having a relatively happy marriage to being on the brink of divorce. I'm truly unsure as to whether my marriage will survive all of this. We are on our second round of marriage counseling. Scott fells ignored, I feel stressed and alone. Neither of us are very happy.
My relationships with my children, while still close and loving, are different. I'm not there with them like I used to be. Once Rylan over heard me tell a teenage friend who was inquiring about nursing school "If you go to nursing school, do it before you get married and have kids". When she asked me why, Rylan sharply replied "Becasue when you are in nursing school you don't ever get to see your family". And while I think I have done a decent job of balancing school and family, that right there says a lot.
2 years ago Scott and I rarely worried about paying our bills. Don't get me wrong, we had tight months, but this has been a tight year. Today I have around $150 in my account and somewhere around $2500 worth of bills to pay. Clearly I won't be paying those bills. We have nothing to fall back on. We have borrowed money, begged for babysitting, and asked favors from almost everyone we know. We thank everyone whole heartedly for their help and support, but I know a simple Thank You is just not enough.
So I am left with the very unpleasant question; Has it all been worth it? With all this trying to get ahead, what am I leaving behind? Now I'm sure that when I graduate and get a job that works with my kids schedules and will essentially double our current income I will have a better grasp of the worth of my endeavors, but right now I am not so sure that it's been worth the struggles and the things I've given up. The things I've asked my family to give up.
I look back before school, and I think we were a happier family then. I stayed at home with the kids, worked part time, and tended to the house. Scott worked his job and helped me out when needed. We fought, but we always made up. The kids were happy and I don't think they felt neglected. I don't think any of us felt neglected. Now, well I'm not so sure.
I guess the point of all of this is that getting ahead requires sacrifice. We all know this. I knew this when I started. And I hope that the sacrifice that have been made are worth the outcome in the end.
With graduation quickly approaching I have found myself pondering a few things about the past almost 2 years. In the time that I have been in nursing school things in my life have drastically changed. In all honesty, I wouldn't be able to say that I am the same person I was before I started this journey.
In almost 2 years I've gone from having a relatively happy marriage to being on the brink of divorce. I'm truly unsure as to whether my marriage will survive all of this. We are on our second round of marriage counseling. Scott fells ignored, I feel stressed and alone. Neither of us are very happy.
My relationships with my children, while still close and loving, are different. I'm not there with them like I used to be. Once Rylan over heard me tell a teenage friend who was inquiring about nursing school "If you go to nursing school, do it before you get married and have kids". When she asked me why, Rylan sharply replied "Becasue when you are in nursing school you don't ever get to see your family". And while I think I have done a decent job of balancing school and family, that right there says a lot.
2 years ago Scott and I rarely worried about paying our bills. Don't get me wrong, we had tight months, but this has been a tight year. Today I have around $150 in my account and somewhere around $2500 worth of bills to pay. Clearly I won't be paying those bills. We have nothing to fall back on. We have borrowed money, begged for babysitting, and asked favors from almost everyone we know. We thank everyone whole heartedly for their help and support, but I know a simple Thank You is just not enough.
So I am left with the very unpleasant question; Has it all been worth it? With all this trying to get ahead, what am I leaving behind? Now I'm sure that when I graduate and get a job that works with my kids schedules and will essentially double our current income I will have a better grasp of the worth of my endeavors, but right now I am not so sure that it's been worth the struggles and the things I've given up. The things I've asked my family to give up.
I look back before school, and I think we were a happier family then. I stayed at home with the kids, worked part time, and tended to the house. Scott worked his job and helped me out when needed. We fought, but we always made up. The kids were happy and I don't think they felt neglected. I don't think any of us felt neglected. Now, well I'm not so sure.
I guess the point of all of this is that getting ahead requires sacrifice. We all know this. I knew this when I started. And I hope that the sacrifice that have been made are worth the outcome in the end.
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