5 Lessons I Want To Teach My Daughter

Raising a daughter these days is a difficult task. I don't think anyone will argue that. The lessons we teach our girls today are substantially different lessons than what most of us who are now moms learned when we were their ages. I think back to when I was 10, and while I am sure time has made my memories softer, I don't remember thinking , or worrying, about the same things my daughter and her 10 year old friends think about.

Certainly I had the same pre-teen fears as today's pre-teen girls. We all did, I suppose. Something about the insecurities of that age appears to be timeless. Is my outfit ok? Will boys like me? What do my friends really think? Am I popular enough? Am I smart enough? But when my 55 lb, 10 year old daughter, skinny as a rail, said "mom, do these skinny jeans make my thighs look fat" I got a good old dose of reality. When I was 10 there was no texting (or sexting), Facebook, or songs to sing along with called I Kissed a Girl or S&M.

Not that the '80's were such a time of innocence. There was Madonna singing Like a Virgin. The time I was left unsupervised, and the following trouble I got into, was certainly not innocent. But my mom taught me some valuable lessons that kept those pre-teen insecurities from turning into life long worries. This will probably be a somewhat surprising statement to some of you that know me, and know my mother's history, but I have to give credit where credit is due. My mom was probably considered somewhat of a radical for teaching her daughters to fight for themselves, shielding us from overly sexualized images (I never had a Barbie), and telling us to make sure we never rely on someone else to give us what we need.

The lessons I want to teach my daughter are not easy lessons to learn. Not when you're 10. Not even when you're 30. With that being said; To my daughter:

1) You are amazing. Not everyone will tell you that as you grow up. In fact, you may hear from some that you are less than amazing. And you won't always feel like you are amazing. Some days you will feel insecure, afraid, and dejected. That's ok. You will make it through those days because you are amazing. At the end of the day, always remember that you are amazing.

2) Never rely on someone else to provide you with your own happiness or security. Your happiness is your responsibility. Don't expect it from a job, a man, your friends, your children... Not that those things can't make you happy and provide security but you will find some very unhappy people who have great jobs, great spouses, great lives. Happiness is something that you find inside yourself. It's a choice. It's something you give, and owe, yourself. Don't sit around and wait for someone else to hand you happiness in a pretty little box. Don't wait for a man with a nice job to show up and hand you your secure, happy life. Make it on your own. If you're lucky enough to share that security and happiness with another person, that will just make it all that much better.

3) Stand up for yourself. Don't allow yourself to be anyone's victim. No matter what happens to you in life your strength will be your biggest asset. Never stay silent when you know you need to speak up. Never let someone else make you feel inadequate. Never, ever, let someone tell you, you're just a girl. Now, I can't promise you that this will be easy. Some days you will feel weak, and that's ok. Sometimes strength hides itself in weakness. But when everything is said and done don't ever let someone else bully you. Not now, and not when you're grown.

4) You can do anything. This may seem cliche, and to some extent it is. As much as I would love to tell you that you can grow up to be a million dollar 6' 2' model, I don't think that's going to happen. The real lesson is, don't ever limit yourself. If you want something in life form a plan, work hard, and make it happen. Persevere. Don't let anyone tell you you can't. However, you will need to learn to deal with failure. I can't ever promise you that life will be easy. It's not. Consider yourself a success if you manage to get back up more times than you fall down. Knowing that you accomplished a goal, no matter how long it takes you to get there, is a great feeling.

5) Never settle for less than you know you deserve. I can't stress this final lesson enough. You deserve great things. Happiness, love, security. You deserve to have people in your life that love you and value who you are. You deserve to fulfill your dreams and be supported in attaining your goals. You deserve to be who you are, and not ever be put in anyones boxed up definition of who you should be. This does not mean you should expect more than what you deserve, either. Find a happy medium in your life. Life is kind of like shoe shopping. If you buy a pair of shoes that are too small, you'll never feel comfortable in them. If you buy a pair that's too big, hoping that you will grow into them, you may not ever get to wear them.

I hope I can teach my daughter these things. Mostly, I hope she is happy

What to say...

So the odd thing about having a blog is figuring out what I want to write in it. All this stuff flying around in my head, but the reality of putting anything down in such a permanent fashion is just a bit daunting. I could write about the joys of dealing with sports parents at Brianna's gym meets. Like when they make shitty comments about other kids, or act like they are cheering for an Olympian right next to my ear. Or about how hard it is to watch your kid try their best, and have it not really be the best to everyone else.

Or how about things like us bombing Libya. Really? Why? I'm so removed from the political arena at this point, I don't know that I even care. Which is sad, but true...

Oh! I could talk about watching Chayson's legs become more and more bent. About my worry that he will be the awkward kid who has funny teeth, unruly hair, pasty skin, twisted legs, and is so shy he barely talks to his classmates.

Maybe I should blog about Rylan and how I see him going down the same road of mediocrity that I traveled at his age. I don't know if I should push him to be the person he can be or just let him travel his own way. Well, that's a lie. I know. He needs to find his own way. But I really don't want to watch him struggle like I did.

But really, that's not the stuff in my head right now. The stuff that's in there now.... I can't write that down anywhere.

Updates

I've cleared out my followers on here so I don't have a clue who will ever even read this. Which, I will admit, I kind of enjoy. It probably seems a tad... useless. Who wants an internet blog that no one reads? This girl.

Anyway, since it's been roughly a year since I wrote in this bad boy I will update on some things

I'm still a nurse but now I work in the ER. I love it. Seriously. Who ever thought the hippy, crunchy, wanna-be a midwife girl would turn into someone who's heart skips an oh so pleasant beat when she hears lights and sirens?

My kids are grown. Or at least they think they are.

Rylan is 13. This is painful. Having a teenager is a special kind of torture. Forget waterboarding. He's a good kid, and a damn funny one, too. But I'm convinced he was sent to earth the torture me for past aggressions.

Brianna is gaining on Rylan with the pre-teen attitude. She's lucky she's cute. She's also an excellent student and continues to do amazing in gymnastics. And she's got my sarcastic sense of humor so I really can't say anything bad there.

Chayse is, well, Chayse. I don't know that I will ever figure that kid out. I never know what to expect from him.

It's been a long year. Scott and I are... still Scott and I. There's really not another way to put that.

There's really not much else worth updating. Alas, my life is pretty boring. I'm actually ok with that.

last published on Feb 28, 2010

So it's been awhile, again. More than awhile; just over a year since I posted to this blog. I've been slacking, in more ways than one. Anyway, here I am. Back to blogging.

Last night, in a semi-druken haze induced by Stoli Blackberi, I realized (with the help of a friend) that I'm not really enjoying my life. Don't get me wrong, I like my life. It's a pretty good one. I'm blessed with a great husband, 3 wonderful kids, some pretty awesome friends, a reasonably nice house in a reasonably nice neighborhood, I've got a good job... the list goes on and on. But for some reason I'm not enjoying it. This is no one's fault but my own.

I'm a firm believer in the idea that we make our own destiny. Fate is a whimsey I don't take part in often. Happiness is a choice. How we live our lives is up to us. Do I live my life bitching about the silly things or do I wake up every day thankful I get another day in this pretty great life of mine? My choice.

Point of my rambling thus far; today I start enjoying things a little bit more.