On a happier note

Brianna and I had a conversation last night about me being in school.

Me: How do you feel about me being in school? Do you miss me because I'm not around as much?

Brianna: Yes

Me: Do you think me being in school is a bad thing or a good thing?

Brianna: Well, when you're done you'll be a nurse right?

Me: Yes

Brianna: Well, I want you to be a nurse so it's good.

Doesn't make it all better, but it sure helps.

1 year, 6 months, 14 days

1 year, 6 months, 14 days. That is how long I have been in nursing school. 2 months, 15 days until I graduate.

With graduation quickly approaching I have found myself pondering a few things about the past almost 2 years. In the time that I have been in nursing school things in my life have drastically changed. In all honesty, I wouldn't be able to say that I am the same person I was before I started this journey.

In almost 2 years I've gone from having a relatively happy marriage to being on the brink of divorce. I'm truly unsure as to whether my marriage will survive all of this. We are on our second round of marriage counseling. Scott fells ignored, I feel stressed and alone. Neither of us are very happy.

My relationships with my children, while still close and loving, are different. I'm not there with them like I used to be. Once Rylan over heard me tell a teenage friend who was inquiring about nursing school "If you go to nursing school, do it before you get married and have kids". When she asked me why, Rylan sharply replied "Becasue when you are in nursing school you don't ever get to see your family". And while I think I have done a decent job of balancing school and family, that right there says a lot.

2 years ago Scott and I rarely worried about paying our bills. Don't get me wrong, we had tight months, but this has been a tight year. Today I have around $150 in my account and somewhere around $2500 worth of bills to pay. Clearly I won't be paying those bills. We have nothing to fall back on. We have borrowed money, begged for babysitting, and asked favors from almost everyone we know. We thank everyone whole heartedly for their help and support, but I know a simple Thank You is just not enough.

So I am left with the very unpleasant question; Has it all been worth it? With all this trying to get ahead, what am I leaving behind? Now I'm sure that when I graduate and get a job that works with my kids schedules and will essentially double our current income I will have a better grasp of the worth of my endeavors, but right now I am not so sure that it's been worth the struggles and the things I've given up. The things I've asked my family to give up.

I look back before school, and I think we were a happier family then. I stayed at home with the kids, worked part time, and tended to the house. Scott worked his job and helped me out when needed. We fought, but we always made up. The kids were happy and I don't think they felt neglected. I don't think any of us felt neglected. Now, well I'm not so sure.

I guess the point of all of this is that getting ahead requires sacrifice. We all know this. I knew this when I started. And I hope that the sacrifice that have been made are worth the outcome in the end.

Thank Heaven for little girls

Especially my little girl, who is getting to be not so little these days.

Brianna had her annual Father Daughter Dance tonight. We went out and picked up a new dress, some shoes, and the accessories to go with them. She picked the dress herself, with a little coaxing (the orange ball gown she was begging for thankfully had a rip in it). She knew how she wanted to wear her hair, what color tights she wanted to wear, and she was thrilled that I let her put on a dab of my perfume. She wouldn't let Scott see her until she was dressed and ready, and she made him wear a dress shirt. LOL

I'm amazed at how big she has gotten. My little baby girl, wearing lip gloss and heeled shoes. I'm holding on to every one of these moments.

Music Man

We had quite a day yesterday. Chayse and I had a few errands to run and I decided one of them would be to swing into my local consignment shop. I'm glad I did because they had a huge sale going on. I was able to buy a huge amount of stuff for around $40! I'll sell half of it on Ebay and probably double my money, at least. See how resourceful I can be!

Anyway, after sorting through racks for over an hour, Chayson decided he had had enough. He also decided he really liked this pair of Winnie the Pooh and Tigger swim trunks. After trying, repeatedly, to convince Chayse that a size 4T was not going to fit I gave up and my 3 year old took his shoes and pants off and proceeded to tell me he would leave his undies on while he put the swim trunks on.

After that we had to make a sprint to Walmart to buy Rylan a pair of black dress pants. However, I now believe every 9-11 year old boy in Rylan's school bought their black dress pants (that are the required dress for chorus and band) from Walmart. Not a single size 10 or 12 could be found. What that meant was I then needed to drag 3 kids to Target, 15 minutes away, in rush hour traffic at 5pm and make it home in time to get Rylan to the High School for band practice at 6pm.

$50, some complaining about tight shirt collars, a bit of yelling, and a lot of speeding later.....

He was nervous to play, but he did great! It's an elementary school band, so don't expect masterful Beethoven, but it was cute. He also sings in the fourth and fifth grade chorus. If he has the famous Paine singing voice, which I do believe he may have inherited, I think he may fair better as a sax player. ;)

Extra space

There are 5 people in my family. 2 adults and 3 kids. There are also 4 cats and a large dog. Our house is 1100 square feet, with one bathroom. Obviously we are bursting at the seams.

Scott had been working on the basement for awhile, but things kind of stalled mostly due to the fact that I was holding out for Pergo flooring instead of a cheap rug. Finally, after the influx of toys entering our house at Christmas, I caved and decided to go ahead and finish the basement sans Pergo and a few other things. It's just a playroom. I need to get over myself sometimes.

Here's the finished product. Not bad, if I do say so myself.

So now we have a bit more space and the toys are out of my living room. It's a much better situation for us all. However, I hold no illusions that it will stay looking like it does in that picture. Believe me, the floor is already covered in toys. But again, not my living room. The joys of having a playroom!

Miracle?

Go New Hampshire! Go Obama!

2007's Word of the Year?

Proof that all men are pigs.

This is how we roll

Just your average Saturday in the Olandt household involving The Simpson's movie, drywall, 15 loads of laundry, and hard rock.

Scott and I have finally decided that the basement needs to be finished and the kids toys need to be down there. I am tired of my living room being overrun. So, this weekend we are finishing up the drywall and priming. I will paint this week and we will move all the kids stuff down there. It will be a happy day when it's done.

While Scott was doing most of the drywall, I washed and folded something like 15 loads of laundry. At this point everything in the house is washed and most is folded and put away. This is an amazing feat. I am amazed at how much clothing my children possess. It's scary actually. Brianna has more clothes then any 7 year old child should have.

So, The Simpsons Movie..... Rylan decided to buy this with some of his Christmas money. We saw it in the theaters and when it came out on DVD he had to have it. It has played 3 times today. While I do think it is a funny movie, Homers voice is beginning to have that nails-to-chalkboard effect for me.

And the hard rock. Well, the video explains that. Just a typical evening

What we do for our kids

I swore I wouldn't ever be one of those crazy parents rummaging through stores just before Christmas searching for some mega popular gift for their child, sort of like I'm sure my parents swore they wouldn't do but probably ended up doing to score those Cabbage Patch Kids my sister and I got for Christmas one year in the mid 80's. And yet there I was last night, running into 7 different stores, making phone calls, and begging some nice young lady at customer service at Best Buy to PLEASE hold the one iDog Amp'd left in the state for my daughter and I will come right in and pick it up, thank you.

Spending 6 hours shopping 2 days before Christmas is probably equivalent to being in Hell. Except it was cold and rainy here, which really just made it worse then Hell. At least in Hell I wouldn't be cold and wet.

I remember getting that Cabbage Patch doll on that Christmas in the 80's. I don't remember his name (yes my parents got me a boy doll) but I do remember he had lovely blond curly hair and blue eyes. A few years later I shaved all that hair off of him. But on that Christmas day I remember being thrilled that I was the proud owner of one very coveted Cabbage Patch. Tomorrow morning, when Brianna opens up her iDog, I hope she finds the same joy that I did back then. If she does, those 7 stores, phone calls, traffic, and lines in Best Buy will be worth it.

Thank God my kids didn't ask for this for Christmas!

Best Christmas Movie Ever!

I should drop out of nursing school and head here.

Merry Christmas!!